Journey of the Phantom

2005-01-27T17:17:00.000Z

Every 1000 mile journey begins with just one step

Well - its been a long time but I thought I would just give you a quick update into what is happening with me and why I haven't been around very much recently.

Firstly I was signed off work just before Xmas with depression caused by Stress. This was not a very nice time as I'm sure you can imagine. I was immediately put on anti-depressants and I am still on them now. I feel as though I can at least talk about my illness now which I couldn't before, I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

I am reticent still to even admit that it got to the point where I couldn't see the point in continuing to live and I thought more than seriously about ending my life. Having been through this with others though I somehow came to my senses and decided to give life another go and with the great support of my fiance and mother I am on the mend and actually feel a little better.

Its not all roses yet because I am shortly about to become jobless, through choice, and the way I am looking at it at the moment its a great opportunity to do something I've been wanting to do for a very very long time.......write a book. So, seeing as I am finacially secure in the short term I have decided to give myself six months to write the first installment in what will hopefully be a new writing career. I hope it works out, but if plans need to change, they will be changed, thats life.

So as you can see, I've been in a bit of a hole recently, hence the lack of work and time to dedicate to my deviations......I wont promise to do more soon as the inspiration comes and goes, just like good and bad days. The bad days still outnumber the good days but the balance at least is moving in the right direction (this is a good day just in case you were wondering ).

I'll try and keep you posted as to how I am and how the book is going but if you don't hear from me for a week, I haven't disappeared, I'm probably just engrossed in the book .

I will probably update my Blog more often so keep an eye on that as well - and please please leave comments on it as I feel terribly lonely with no comments .

As I always say (though I don't always listen to myself): -

Have fun! (Or at least try )

Reaching the end.

2004-11-10T10:02:00.000Z

I have no soul. It is currently being extracted out of me little by little. I am being hung upsidedown and it is dribbling very slowly out of my ears. I don't want to work in the place or this business. It is really really doing my head in.

If my manager actually made an effort and pulled his finger out and tried to do something I think I would die of shock! He is useless, the company is useless and they all deserve to fail, miserably.

There is some hope though as I may have found my own job. Not that I really want to do it as it involves a lot of traveling and I really dislike traveling intensly. Anyway at least it will be something to pay the bills :-/.

I think I might just start writing my book at work. I haven't got anything else to do so I don't see why not :-/.......

Phrase of the day....

2004-10-27T10:16:00.000+01:00

"It slipped my mind...."

Words of wisdom from the manager in charge of my redeployment at work. Now used on three seperate occasions about some minor stuff TO DO WITH GETTING ME A JOB!!! I am reaching the point of despair with this infernal company. The more I turn up the more I despair!

Firstly, he forgot to reply to my emails asking about a interview say "It slipped my mind." Then again on the phone about the same thing, then again in a meeting about what we do now I haven't got the job. I mean once is *almost* fogivable but three times? How am I supposed to find myself a job if this is the kind of support I get?

Feckwits, the lot of them.

Anyway, if anyone is reading this at all and knows where there are any jobs going I would be more than grateful if you could let me know, cause this place is doing my head in :-(.

I would say have fun, but don't it'll make me feel even worse than I already do :-P.

PS Have fun ;-)

To be honest...

2004-10-22T21:57:00.000+01:00

I am feeling well shit. I've been off for the past week with Stomach problems caused by stress from work. Not only that work appear to be trying to do one on me. If I hadn't been proactive I would have missed my interview on Monday because "it slipped my mind" - my manager.

As far as I'm concerned there are far too many supposed chiefs in our organisation and not enough people who give a damn. It really is just like Dilbert. The management couldn't manage their way out of a paper bag and almost without exception every decision they make is the wrong one. I should really qualify that, every decision they make is wrong *FOR THE COMPANY*. For them tho they are the right decisions, because all they are doing is lining the way to floatation and lining their own pockets. Its not a coincidence that they recieved the lowest ever score for worker satifaction IN THE WHOLE OF EUROPE!

The feckwits just keep making wrong decision after wrong decision....if I wasn't in the middle of it it would be funny, just like Dilbert :-D. Unfortunately I am in the middle of it so it really isn't funny.

I could go on and explain what else they are doing to mess up peoples lives but I wont cause I would probably get fired if anyone found this........though I will just explain my personal situation. I have been put on a "Redeployment Scheme". Basically the department I was in has been disbanded (due to complete and utter inept management - its funny how all the inept managers had secured new jobs before they made the announcement we were disbanding isn't it? Or is it? Or am I just plain stupid and this is the way of the world?). As such I currently do not have a position or any work (which I'm sure you can imagine is doing my head in bigtime!), and I have to either look for a new position within the company or there is the posibility I will be paid off (but not made redundant cause thats not allowed, it would mess up the floatation of the company!). Unfortunately they have put a team of people in charge of the redeployment scheme whose task it is to "help" redeploy people.

All I'll say about this, WHAT A BUNCH OF FECKWITS THEY ARE!!!! They do nothing but sit on their arses doing sweet FA to help and then try and take all the credit when someone finds THEMSELVES A NEW BLOODY JOB!!!! Fucking typical Dilbert it really is! And we are supposed to be a world class science and technology company? Yeah right, all the science and technology got suffocated by the middle managers who like to push paper for a living. I know where I would like to push paper and its not around a desk, and yes it does involve rectal insertion!

It just makes me so angry that such small minded, stupid people can have such a large effect on so many other people. I think I should just jack it all in and go and live on a secluded island away from Numpty Managers.....

Anyway, wish me luck on Monday, cause maybe, just maybe I might have a fighting chance of finding a future for myself.

PS If anyone knows of any jobs going, let me know, I'm in IT btw :-(.

Has it really been that long?

2004-09-28T10:28:00.000+01:00

Has it really been that long since I last posted?

Well whats been happening to me? The following really: -

1. Nothing
2. Nothing
3. Nothing

Apart from much work getting the house into order. We are finally at the stage where we feel like this house is becoming our own. We've almost completed the kitchen and we've moved a couple of the other rooms around. We've had the new sofa delivered (mmmmmmm leather ;-) ) and its finished off the lounge a treat :-).

Work still sux as per usual but now I'm on a "redeployment scheme" cause my department went tits up, due in no small part a vast amount of mismanagment and general stupidty from the people in charge. But these things happen I suppose and I'm finally getting up the will power to try and find myself another position (either within or external to the company).

On the positive side of things I'm just about to go on a short break to Bath :-). Hopefully I'll take a few snaps and post them on here....I *really* need this break as I'm definately going down hill at the moment :-(.

Anyway - I'll update this more regularly from now on, I think it actually helps me, even if no bugger reads it.... :-).

WOW almost a month now....

2004-07-02T18:08:00.000+01:00

Since my last blog.

At the moment I am getting exceedingly peed off with the sun, its too bright and I can't see my screen :-P. So what's the thing that you do when you are bored, can't do what you want to do and you've looked through all your bookmarks? Yes that's right people I'm writing my blog! ;-)

Well, as per every other blogger out there I'm exceedingly depressed with whatever I'm doing and I would rather be spending my time on a beach sipping a drink and watching the world go by....but hey this is reality and I can't so get over it! What I can complain about is my feckwit employers who are decidedly thick. I got my pay award and yes you guessed it I got slightly shafted, but then this is also inevitable as I'm not worth what I think I'm worth (yeah right - they pay me the minimum they think they can get away with). Again, I'm a realist and shit happens - get over it ;-).

On the house front, I've lost all love for this house and the situation its put us in....we are in debt (again) and knackered and have no time to ourselves (me and Mrs Phantom). But then, I'm a realist (or that's what I keep telling myself), shit happens, get over it.

My dream: Peace in the world and for everybody to be hap....oh wait no, I forgot, I'm mega selfish and just want lots of money and no stress, that's my dream :-). So if there is anyone out there with lots of money and you want to donate some of it to me I would be most grateful.

Anyway the sun is going down now so I can carry on with my work :-)

Toodle-pip for now :-)

Rest and Recuperation...

2004-06-06T13:13:00.000+01:00

Well its been a while since I posted and after my initial flurry, this is probably the frequecy I'll be posting.

Its been a right old week with one thing or another. A family BBQ and the continuing trials and tribulations of the kitchen have meant that I'm still stressed out of my tiny mind. I've had quite a relaxing week at work though which is good, mainly cause there was no-one in and no work to do, but you can't complain at that.

As far as work is going, its really starting to get me down, the management have no idea how to run a company and it shows. They are inept, useless, good-for-nothing donkeys. Oh well I don't suppose that's different to any other company. I'm thinking of producing a cartoon with the working life at where I work. It would almost be too close to Dilbert though so I probably wont ;-).

Anyway - its a lovely day here so I'm off to do something....probably play on the computer but hey, its interesting ;-).

Cheerie-bye and have fun :-)

2004-05-24T22:49:00.000+01:00

This is the view from the side of the hill I live on....magnificent view isn't it? ;-)
The Phantom Rogue

2004-05-24T22:48:00.000+01:00

This is the path up the hill and I just thought it was quite prosaic. Again I'm so lucky to live where I live :-).
The Phantom Rogue

2004-05-24T22:47:00.000+01:00

The weather is really nice at the moment and we are on holiday at home, so we decided to go for a walk on the hills.This was taken literally a couple of miles away from my house.....I'm so lucky to live in such a beautiful country, I truely am.
The Phantom Rogue

I've got the itch...

2004-05-24T10:30:00.000+01:00

....no not *that* itch :-P

I'm feeling creative at the moment and have already done another quick piece on deviantart Here. Not entirely happy with it but hey its not too bad either :-).

Today I am mostly preparing for my mum to come home from her travels. Shes been away a while (4 months) and I've got to go pick her up from theairport tomorrow. I can't wait :).

Talking about travelling, it got me thinking.....MY JOB SUCKS!

Thats pretty much the profound words for today. I know I'm on holliday but I'm not looking forward to going back to work even now....there must be soooo mch more to life than than having to go to work every day. If I fnd out what more there is, I'll be sure to tell you ;-)

Anyway, adios amigos, for now at least, got stuff to do and people to see....LOL I wish :-D.

2004-05-22T14:01:00.000+01:00

My second picture post :-). This is near where I live and it makes me think how lucky I am to live where I live (and with whom I live :-) ).
The Phantom Rogue

2004-05-22T14:00:00.000+01:00

My first picture post....I chose this one as it reminds me of our holiday to Cornwall and in particular where I proposed to my now fiance (Tintagel).
The Phantom Rogue

My first post...

2004-05-22T13:04:00.000+01:00

Crack out the Champers and toast to my first post!

What to say? Well seeing as this is my story in my words I better start off as I mean to go on...

Ummmmmmm.....

Well.....

Nah - thats just not funny :-D. I would like to say that this is going to be a journey and a half but it probably wont. Most people will be bored sensless by the mundane boring life I lead, some might find interest but on the whole this is a journey for me, of me, and to help me. Selfish I know but I hope the act of posting to this blog will help me cope with my own frustrations and trials. If anyone else in interested in reading about me then please feel free to help me on my journey.

A little about myself to begin with, stuff that wont give me away tho....

I'm a soul searching twenty something stuck in a dead end job and hating every minute of it. I work in IT in the UK and one of my biggest frustrations is the company I work for - I'm sure I'll speak more about this in the future tho so no need to start now. I like my computer games, sad I know but thats life, and I like my art. I have an account at http://mindphase.deviantart.com for anyone who is interested though I seem to have little time for it these days - it helps me relax and takes my mind off all the shit that happens around me....I know I'm not particularly good at it but it gives me satisfaction :-).

I also have a wonderful fiance who helps keep me sane and stable and provides me lots of support - thanks hun ;-).

I've never done anything like this before so I don't really know how to play it, I have a feeling though that I am going to be brutally honest about anything that concerns me - brutal being the operatie word. If I give offence then please let me know and I will try and make up, sometimes my fervor gets the better of me :-/.

Anyway, time will tell how this goes and I'll speak more soon :-).